[0.0s] Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[2.4s] I have made arrangements amongst the townsfolk to investigate the ailment of our faer little city.
[9.8s] Well I've got a bracer that I stram on.
[11.9s] Lipsinki. What is it that this bracer does?
[14.7s] Press the diamond and it shoots out and it's a never-dulling shovel that I used to dig my holes.
[22.1s] It lets you in and you enter the basement. It's just back and down the hall there.
[27.8s] Guys, there's something on the other side of that door groaning.
[32.6s] You see skeletons in corners of this room decorating the walls all around.
[40.2s] You see a giant rib cage circling the center of this room.
[45.9s] If you've lost something in this world, Orcus can provide it back to you.
[50.2s] Who knows what's on the other side, but we're about to find out.
[53.2s] We flash to Lipsinki and Vorunax, jumping backwards through the open portal.
[58.7s] The sound of bones crunching echoes out into the stale air.
[63.2s] Welcome to the promised land, Miss Pipdigons.
[65.9s] This is Thanatos, the home of our Demon Prince and Lord of the Undead, Orcus.
[72.6s] Why did you bring me to this cursed place?
[74.4s] There are some beings with special abilities that the Demon Prince is taking an interest in.
[79.1s] You? You are one of those beings.
[82.7s] Hello? Is there somebody there? Can I hear you?
[91.4s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. We're a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast,
[95.4s] and I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More, and with me today is Tom Lair.
[99.5s] Hey, that's me. Yep. And today I will be playing Flint Firebeard.
[103.7s] And Amy More.
[105.9s] That's me as well, and I'll be playing Thea Amastasia.
[109.6s] And the cat came back the very next day. It's Karla Maxted.
[113.7s] That's me. I will be playing TBD. I guess we'll find out together.
[119.9s] This is our new gimmick we have where we just keep killing Karla off.
[123.5s] I mean, I'd prefer it if I could last more than two episodes.
[127.1s] So let's see what happens this time. I liked her. She was real fun.
[130.6s] We don't know that she's dead. She's not dead.
[133.3s] She got sucked into a portal. Who knows when she'll be back?
[135.9s] Who knows? This is a big universe out there.
[137.0s] Maybe we'll do a spinoff with Lip Sinky and whoever my new character is tonight.
[140.6s] Oh, that's fun.
[142.2s] So you guys can have a week off.
[144.6s] Okay. Just be me on an adventure with myself.
[148.4s] That just sounds like life.
[151.4s] Where we have lots of adventures is over on Patreon. Patreon.com
[154.9s] slash dumb dragon cast. There's one shot adventures. There's other arcs.
[158.3s] There's a whole bunch of cool things happening. And when you are a patron of ours,
[162.6s] you get an episode dedicated to you like today's patron, Joshua Dixon.
[167.4s] Thanks, Joshua. Thank you.
[171.0s] And now, unless there's anything else that we should talk about, I don't think so.
[176.3s] Fuck it. Let's play D&D.
[180.6s] Flint and Thea, you find yourselves in the basement of an orcas stronghold, if you will.
[191.8s] Vorunax has just pulled Lip Sinky through a portal.
[197.1s] Into what you can presume to be the abyss.
[201.0s] You hear coming down the hall, the moaning of zombies.
[208.8s] The ground beneath you begins to shake.
[212.1s] And shooting up from the ground are skeletal arms that begin grabbing at your legs.
[219.1s] So what's the game plan here? We got to get out of here.
[223.9s] I'm like, I'm like lifting my leg and like kicking. I'm like, well, I think the game plan
[228.7s] is we leave alive and we try not to, I don't know, kill anybody else that doesn't deserve
[237.3s] being killed.
[239.8s] Okay. So how do you, how do you think we get out of here?
[243.0s] I'm continually stomping fingers, skeletal-y fingers.
[247.2s] Oh yeah, no, I picture Flint like a little boy kicking at a puddle.
[250.3s] Like he's just kicking hands out of the way.
[253.5s] You know, back down the hall you came where you hear the zombies coming from,
[256.6s] there were various offshoots taking you back up to street level.
[261.0s] In this room you see no other egresses except for the one you came in.
[265.3s] Is my monkey finger a monkey finger?
[267.4s] In this room you see no other egresses except for the one you came in.
[271.7s] Is my monkey finger still in effect?
[275.6s] How long does it last?
[279.3s] As long as a normal monkey finger does, Russ.
[282.4s] As long as I need it to.
[283.7s] Well, I don't know because it's no longer on my sheet.
[287.5s] I have-
[288.0s] You deleted it off your sheet?
[289.4s] Yeah, because I used it. It's a one time use only thing.
[293.1s] But continuity.
[295.0s] Well, that's all I have.
[297.4s] Whoa!
[301.1s] I can't remember the real name for it.
[303.0s] Protection from undead.
[306.2s] From the undead.
[308.6s] Up to 10 minutes.
[310.2s] Oh, then yes, it's absolute.
[312.6s] You cracked it when you started going down into the place.
[317.8s] Okay, you've got like a minute left.
[321.3s] No, it's okay. I can't remember what it does.
[322.9s] Okay, it's no longer in effect because you deleted it off your page.
[327.3s] You dropped it way back there.
[329.3s] You know, it got sucked through the portal.
[332.0s] You don't even have it.
[333.4s] Down in the down in the abyss somewhere, there's a bunch of undead just being like,
[336.7s] I can't go near this spot.
[341.1s] Good. That makes Thea very happy to know that she's interrupted some undead lives.
[347.6s] Some undead lives?
[349.3s] That's right.
[349.8s] Yeah.
[350.9s] Just roll with it.
[352.1s] Yes, the unliving in the abyss.
[357.3s] What's the undead that are now just outside the doorway?
[361.4s] I say we, you know, GTFO.
[364.6s] So we gotta carve our way through these guys?
[366.4s] Yeah, you first.
[368.9s] All right.
[370.6s] As you begin to move, make a strength check.
[373.4s] Who?
[374.0s] Both of you because there are skeletons grabbing at your legs.
[378.6s] Um, I've had worse things grabbing at my legs before Russ.
[383.3s] How's a six?
[385.4s] Oh, not as good as my 19.
[388.0s] Well, you don't have to rub it in.
[390.2s] No, Amy, I felt like you needed to know.
[393.0s] Flint, you begin to charge towards the door and you hear Thea fall to the ground.
[400.2s] That was my fault.
[401.4s] As the skeleton arms are grabbing you and begin hitting you.
[406.6s] I'm screaming, no touchy.
[408.3s] You take 14 bludgeoning damage.
[411.4s] Well, shit, ironically, muscular skeletons.
[415.0s] Hey, there's a lot of hands.
[417.3s] Now, if I remember correctly, Russ, Thea was closer to the door than I was
[421.2s] because I'd made my way in to fight certain things.
[425.5s] It would make sense considering I had taken like no damage.
[429.5s] You know, you went in into the back of the room
[431.5s] because you were trying to sneak sneak around.
[434.2s] I can't remember that.
[435.8s] That's what I wanted to do.
[437.9s] I'll take your word for it.
[439.0s] So she's a little ways back there.
[440.7s] Yeah.
[441.9s] All right.
[442.6s] Go on without me.
[444.1s] Just kidding.
[445.2s] Just kidding.
[446.4s] Flint, help.
[448.6s] All right.
[448.9s] All right.
[449.2s] I'm on it.
[449.6s] I'm on it.
[450.5s] I'm going to head over to her and I guess pull her up.
[454.2s] Yeah, make a strength check once you get there
[458.2s] and then that'll be to get you both out.
[460.6s] 23.
[461.2s] You lift her handily up and out, shattering bones
[468.6s] as she flies up into the air and now is riding piggyback.
[474.8s] Perfect.
[475.1s] Let's do as you charge towards the door.
[477.2s] You see just passing the first set of stairs.
[481.9s] The undead horde is in front of you.
[485.3s] You probably should put me down.
[486.8s] I'm I'm not going to help you out in battle like this.
[490.3s] Yeah.
[490.6s] I mean, you can just hop off any time I get down.
[493.6s] I dismount.
[494.6s] So just for further play here,
[496.2s] we're not really going to initiative this.
[498.0s] We're going to more skills challenge it and then see how we go.
[503.1s] So you describe what you want to do and then we'll justify it.
[506.4s] Okay.
[506.7s] I'm thinking insight.
[508.9s] What do these undead really want?
[511.8s] What's their motivation for this?
[513.4s] I would like to use acrobatics because Thea growing up
[522.2s] was put into an academy as was all higher up.
[526.5s] Like, I don't care about your backstory.
[528.2s] How are you using it?
[529.2s] Oh, I'm going to dance my way through them all.
[531.4s] Like, like, like slide and like bend and yeah.
[536.7s] So you're going to do the thriller to get to the stairs.
[539.3s] Yes.
[540.5s] All right.
[540.9s] Roll me in acrobatics.
[544.4s] You describe to me what you do and then I'll tell you what happens.
[549.3s] Uh, I just, I'm like, I got this and I,
[554.1s] and I run toward the horde and, and I'm aiming for in between
[561.6s] and I'm trying to move very quickly.
[564.0s] So I'm like sidestepping and like,
[567.8s] like trying to do like a twirl and then like shimmy between a couple others
[572.3s] and like just essentially outmaneuver them and go faster than they are.
[577.0s] Cause you know, they're pretty slow.
[578.6s] They're not like walking dead zombies or no.
[582.2s] What are the other one?
[583.4s] 28 days later.
[584.2s] 28 day later zombies.
[586.9s] Oh, those fast zombies.
[588.6s] Yeah.
[588.9s] You get up and you like, it's like last second,
[591.3s] you turn to tell Flint what you're going to do
[594.2s] and then the zombies reach out for you
[597.3s] and, uh, you are going to take, uh, 16 bludgeoning damage
[603.1s] as they reach for you and beat you.
[606.7s] Oh, that didn't work.
[610.8s] Uh, okay.
[611.5s] Is she like in the middle of them or is she still on my side?
[614.9s] She's still on your side.
[615.8s] She didn't get very far.
[617.0s] Okay.
[619.6s] Thea, check this out.
[621.2s] And I pull out my rod of lordly might
[624.3s] and I make it grow.
[628.1s] Yep.
[628.6s] That's what happens.
[629.4s] Uh, I hit the fifth button on it and it becomes a portable battering ram
[636.2s] used to usually break down doors,
[637.9s] but let's just break down some zombies.
[639.5s] All right.
[640.2s] I like where your head's at.
[642.6s] Uh, so Thea, you're going to help me with this
[645.1s] and we're going to, uh, gain an advantage
[648.2s] on any strength check we use, uh, when, uh, when doing this bad boy.
[653.9s] Go for it.
[654.9s] So I guess we're going to go with athletics for this one, Russ.
[659.2s] And not only do we gain advantage, uh,
[661.0s] but I gain a plus 10 bonus on the strength check as well.
[664.4s] Made to break through doors, barricades, or other barriers.
[668.2s] Barriers?
[668.6s] I mean, it's a barricade of zombies.
[669.8s] It's a barrier.
[670.6s] All right.
[671.9s] It's a barrier just stops you from doing something.
[675.1s] Right? Uh, first one's a 25, but I'll roll again
[677.5s] because I have advantage.
[678.6s] Why not?
[679.5s] Oh, only a 24 that time.
[680.9s] 24 wouldn't have done it.
[682.0s] So good thing you have the 25.
[683.3s] Oh, good thing I rolled the 25.
[685.0s] Um, okay.
[685.7s] You got, uh, you got any damage on that
[687.8s] or does that just, is the thing that happens?
[690.8s] Uh, I mean, I imagine it just like busts open
[693.8s] whatever I'm trying to bust open.
[695.7s] Okay. So you rush forward picking Thea up,
[699.9s] like she just grabs onto it.
[701.6s] Yeah. I'm pretending to like help,
[703.6s] but really I'm just being kind of carried along.
[706.6s] Motivational boost.
[707.9s] And you crash through the first wave of zombies,
[711.1s] which clears you past the staircase,
[714.5s] leading back up to the street there.
[717.2s] Arms and legs and heads and everything
[719.6s] are flying down the hall.
[721.5s] Super idea.
[722.1s] Let's head up these stairs.
[724.8s] Yeah. I mean, let's just get out of here
[726.2s] as quick as possible.
[727.3s] You run up the stairs and you find yourself
[730.3s] back in the hospital towards the back
[734.3s] of where, uh, the building is.
[737.6s] You come down the hall where you knew Lipsinki's room.
[740.5s] You recognize where Lipsinki's room to be,
[742.6s] but there's something different about this.
[745.0s] As you step into it,
[748.5s] it's like an illusion begins to fade on the walls.
[753.0s] And it goes from being a very nice room
[756.1s] to an old broken down rotting building.
[759.2s] You see the doorways even before the illusion,
[762.9s] uh, dropped that were open or were closed.
[767.1s] Most of them have been broken open
[769.7s] all except one.
[771.7s] Both of you make a perception check.
[778.6s] Oh, not 20.
[779.5s] Oh, well, 27.
[782.9s] I feel like even though I don't have as big of a bonus,
[785.1s] mine is somehow better.
[785.9s] I know, me too.
[786.6s] Both of you begin running down this hallway
[788.5s] and you see movement towards the one closed door.
[791.4s] Underneath it, you see the snout of a rat poke out.
[796.6s] Do you think there's anything in behind that door?
[799.7s] I don't know, maybe.
[800.8s] If there are rats there and they haven't run yet.
[804.9s] I mean, we still got this battering ram in action.
[807.0s] Why don't you just take it down real quick?
[808.2s] Yeah, you take that door down.
[810.1s] All right.
[812.2s] Yeah, go ahead.
[813.4s] It was all right, Russ.
[815.0s] It's all right.
[815.5s] It's all right.
[816.1s] He can do it.
[817.0s] Okay.
[817.7s] I mean, it was 27.
[818.9s] Before you do that, that definitely is good.
[821.3s] The rat on the other side of the door is like,
[823.0s] the fuck?
[825.0s] God damn.
[825.6s] The rat runs out and sees you running towards it
[828.0s] and it begins making gestures towards you.
[833.0s] And it turns around, runs back under the door
[835.5s] as Flint barrels through.
[839.5s] Killing the rat.
[841.5s] Was the gesture one that conveyed like,
[843.9s] please break this door down?
[845.8s] Make an insight check.
[847.1s] Can I make an animal handily?
[849.6s] You're not handling the animal.
[851.2s] Not yet.
[851.8s] That's a 14.
[855.2s] That's a 22.
[857.9s] Yeah, I mean, both of you get the feeling
[859.4s] that it was trying to get you to do something,
[863.0s] but as you barrel through the door, who do they see?
[867.4s] They see the rat, Perseus.
[871.8s] They also see a very tall, big, strong humanoid male,
[880.0s] like six foot four, 240, big, big fella.
[886.6s] He has kind of like long, dark, graggly kind of hair
[892.8s] and his skin is really like white, gray and modeled
[898.3s] and not fresh looking, let's say.
[905.1s] As we batter our way in there, I'm like,
[908.9s] who are you?
[912.9s] Well, I've had many names.
[916.2s] I've been called Artemis or Mourn or Granger or Lee.
[920.7s] Okay, no, okay, yeah, no, that's great.
[923.0s] What's your name today?
[924.2s] We've got some shit happening behind us.
[928.0s] Yeah, undead hordes coming.
[930.1s] Why didn't you say so?
[932.8s] Let's deal with that first.
[934.1s] Oh, I mean, our plan is to get out of here.
[939.8s] We're straight up leaving.
[943.2s] Are you coming with?
[944.3s] Yes, of course, of course, I'm coming with.
[946.8s] Are you a captor here?
[950.4s] Am I a captor?
[953.0s] Did I lock myself in this cell?
[955.0s] Did you capture yourself?
[956.3s] I'm like, wait, she did say the wrong word, right?
[965.1s] It really took me a minute to be like.
[968.6s] Yeah, no, she definitely asked if you were a captor.
[970.8s] I'm under a lot of pressure here.
[973.4s] My monkey finger stopped working.
[979.0s] Have you been captured?
[980.3s] There we go.
[981.2s] I have, I came to town just days ago and I ended up.
[986.4s] Here they had this plan and the undead and I didn't want to help, so I ended up here.
[994.8s] Yeah, that Varnarx is a real piece of something.
[997.8s] Is this your rat?
[999.2s] Oh, this is Perseus.
[1001.2s] Super cute.
[1001.8s] OK, let's get out of here.
[1004.0s] You head back out down the hallway and towards the front of the building
[1007.5s] and you hear rumbling coming from behind you
[1012.4s] as the building begins to fall in on itself down at the far end.
[1016.9s] You get to the door and you look out the window and in the muddy bunny alley
[1023.6s] you see zombies and skeletons closing in on the front door.
[1030.1s] Across from you, you see the wall of the muddy bunny pet store
[1034.8s] and there is a ladder that goes up that wall along that building.
[1039.7s] Are there still bunnies in the shop window?
[1043.1s] Yes.
[1044.4s] OK.
[1045.1s] Make a perception check.
[1048.1s] 12.
[1049.2s] It looks like there's bunnies still in that building.
[1051.9s] OK, I yell, look, there's a ladder, but I'm going to try something
[1058.6s] and I smashed the glass to the muddy bunny pet shop
[1066.2s] and I want to use animal handling to tell the animals to start attacking the undead.
[1074.0s] That's right.
[1075.0s] Monty Python style.
[1077.0s] That's not where I thought that was going.
[1078.6s] It's where it went.
[1082.9s] May I?
[1086.7s] Yeah, sure.
[1089.3s] This is why I'm on the podcast.
[1092.2s] No other reason.
[1093.8s] That's a 16.
[1097.3s] So what are you smashing the glass with?
[1099.1s] I grab a brick from the derelict building.
[1101.2s] And you throw it through the glass and it shatters, drawing the attention of some of the zombies.
[1108.2s] And you see these bunnies hop out.
[1111.7s] And as they hop out into the street, the illusion fades on the pet shop
[1115.7s] and they too are zombies.
[1118.6s] And they come rushing towards you as well.
[1122.3s] This is awful.
[1123.3s] Oh no.
[1124.2s] Guys, I made it worse.
[1125.4s] I made it worse.
[1126.1s] Go up the ladder.
[1128.9s] Typical Thea behavior.
[1131.7s] Couldn't have a horde of bunnies, could I?
[1134.3s] Just couldn't give me even a horde of bunnies.
[1137.0s] Okay.
[1139.4s] I'm sorry, I didn't catch which name you actually gave yourself.
[1142.4s] I did.
[1142.9s] If you did.
[1143.4s] Okay, okay.
[1144.4s] She didn't say anything.
[1145.1s] Then you are up.
[1147.3s] Sure.
[1151.6s] Carla, you're up.
[1152.2s] Kind sir.
[1153.8s] You two, take the ladder.
[1155.8s] Go first.
[1156.7s] I'll follow you.
[1161.4s] Okay, I don't know you.
[1162.2s] I don't really like having you at my back.
[1163.8s] But at the same time, I just let loose a bunch of zombie bunnies.
[1166.4s] So, okay.
[1168.0s] The two of you begin to scramble up the ladder.
[1169.6s] Are you doing something in particular or are you just following in behind?
[1172.2s] I'm just following in behind.
[1174.4s] All right, make a dexterity check.
[1179.8s] It's a whopping seven.
[1182.0s] This big beefy boy.
[1183.2s] Not that dexterous, surprisingly.
[1185.8s] Should also make a distraction check because my fine ass is right above you.
[1190.2s] Probably slowing you down just staring at it.
[1192.7s] Flint and Thea, you run and rush up the ladder.
[1196.2s] And you hear behind you more of a slower pace with your new friend
[1203.1s] as they begin to climb up the ladder and zombies grab onto your legs
[1208.6s] as you get a few rungs up.
[1210.8s] Oh no.
[1212.6s] Oh wait, I don't know this though.
[1214.1s] I'm not looking.
[1215.5s] Okay, I am just going to try to kick at them.
[1218.8s] So, I guess like an unarmed strike probably.
[1224.2s] Is that how you want me to play that?
[1225.8s] Yeah, just a straight strength.
[1232.6s] So, strength check is 18.
[1237.0s] Yeah, you manage to kick free and begin re-ascending the ladder.
[1242.6s] All three of you make it to the top.
[1245.3s] And it's only, well, this was probably one of the taller buildings.
[1248.6s] It's three stories high.
[1252.1s] So, you are up at the top of this building.
[1255.1s] Next building surrounding it is at least a story down.
[1259.4s] You look out and you see just,
[1264.3s] there weren't a huge number of people,
[1266.6s] but there is a considerable amount of zombies and skeletons.
[1270.7s] And you see that same illusion on some of the people
[1275.3s] that you described as fish-eyed or dead fish-eyed.
[1279.3s] And it's fading and it's showing that they, in fact, were zombies as well.
[1286.5s] But all surrounding the building that you're in
[1288.7s] and moving towards from the city itself are undead.
[1294.4s] I kick the ladder over.
[1297.7s] I don't know if the undead can climb ladders, so.
[1300.5s] You look down as you kick it over
[1304.0s] and you see skeletons that were trying to climb up.
[1307.2s] Not today.
[1309.2s] Okay.
[1311.7s] It is Flint's turn.
[1312.7s] Your lotto's turn.
[1313.8s] Off in the distance, you hear the flapping of wings.
[1318.6s] And you see Donnie coming up and over the horizon,
[1323.4s] moving slower than he usually does.
[1325.8s] And then you hear the neighing of horses towards the tavern.
[1330.9s] Are the horses zombies?
[1332.3s] You can't see them.
[1333.3s] Oh my god, why would you even put that thought
[1336.3s] into Russ's mind?
[1338.0s] Well, everything else seems to be fucking zombies.
[1343.7s] All right, so we're on a three-story building.
[1345.8s] The ladder behind us was the way up.
[1350.1s] Am I able to perceive any sort of path down from here
[1355.0s] that looks relatively safe?
[1357.3s] Or at least free of zombies?
[1358.6s] And I'm willing to risk it otherwise.
[1359.8s] Out of all perception.
[1363.6s] I can do that.
[1365.0s] It's a 14.
[1368.5s] You see off to the far side from where you came up,
[1373.0s] the building opens onto one of the main streets.
[1378.0s] You see a couple canopies on the far side
[1383.4s] on the building across the street from you
[1385.8s] and one a little further down on the same building
[1389.0s] that you are standing.
[1390.3s] A couple canopies that maybe would provide some assistance.
[1397.8s] Could totally bounce off one.
[1399.0s] Do these canopies-
[1400.0s] Alydin style.
[1401.0s] I was going to say,
[1402.3s] do these canopies appear to be like the soft canvassy type
[1405.9s] that I will like land nicely into
[1408.3s] or the hard type that I will bounce off of
[1411.1s] and then roll onto the next one
[1412.4s] and then comically bounce off that one
[1413.9s] and roll down to the street?
[1415.4s] I mean, they seem fabric-like.
[1417.2s] You can't tell exactly what kind of fabric with that roll.
[1420.7s] They seem not hard bouncy.
[1426.6s] And then it's not zombie-free
[1429.0s] but there are fewer zombies than the other side.
[1433.6s] Okay, well less zombie seems like the way to go.
[1436.6s] How far up?
[1437.8s] We're three stories up, so roughly 30 feet?
[1440.5s] Yes, so to the ground you're 30 feet.
[1444.2s] To the canopy on the building that you're on,
[1446.4s] you're probably 20 feet across.
[1449.7s] You know, it's 10 feet down.
[1451.1s] Just do a little pythagorean theorem.
[1454.2s] Just a little quick math.
[1455.6s] Well, I'm thinking I can use that rod of lordly might again
[1459.6s] and turn it into a 50-foot ladder.
[1462.7s] There you go.
[1464.9s] I will hit button number four,
[1468.5s] hook this ladder onto like the rooftop that we're on
[1472.4s] and throw the rest down to the street.
[1476.4s] No roll required.
[1477.4s] That's a ladder.
[1478.9s] Perfect.
[1479.6s] You climb down.
[1480.2s] But I will do like the fun thing
[1483.1s] where people like slide down ladders
[1485.3s] instead of climbing down them all slowly.
[1487.2s] That's going to require a dex check.
[1488.7s] Yeah, there we go.
[1491.8s] That's more like it.
[1493.0s] That is, with bonus, a 16.
[1499.3s] Yes, so the two of you see Flint
[1502.5s] hit another button on his rod of lordly might
[1504.9s] and the ladder comes forth
[1507.3s] and he throws it down and says a cool line
[1511.8s] just dropping in as he jumps over the edge
[1515.4s] sliding down towards the street.
[1518.4s] Do you two follow?
[1520.0s] I look over the edge.
[1522.3s] Have I seen Donnie?
[1524.3s] Yeah, oh yeah.
[1525.0s] Okay, I look over the edge.
[1526.2s] I'm like, Flint, you go on ahead.
[1529.4s] Go maybe, I don't know, to the horses.
[1532.4s] Donnie's not looking so well up there.
[1534.7s] He's flying weird.
[1535.9s] I'm going to go check him out.
[1538.6s] And for your new friend,
[1539.8s] you see a dragon off in the distance
[1541.6s] coming towards you
[1543.0s] and them talking about Donnie.
[1547.0s] Leave that up to you if you make a connection.
[1549.0s] Kay?
[1550.7s] Are you not going to answer me, Tom?
[1553.1s] Kay?
[1555.8s] I didn't know that was the universal sign of
[1558.2s] are you okay?
[1560.0s] No, I think she was saying-
[1560.8s] Oh, the instructions.
[1562.3s] Got it.
[1563.0s] Sorry, I'm having a day today.
[1564.3s] You're having a day today.
[1565.7s] You've splatted on the ground,
[1566.9s] so she knows you're not okay.
[1568.6s] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[1569.3s] No, I'm horribly hurt.
[1571.2s] No, let's take that again.
[1573.2s] I lean over the edge.
[1574.1s] I'm very badly hurt.
[1576.3s] I think the wound is ganged at us.
[1579.4s] I'm just very badly burned.
[1581.7s] I lean, I just peek my head over the edge
[1585.0s] and I say, Donnie's not flying too good up there.
[1588.1s] Gwok and I are going to go check him out.
[1591.4s] Got it.
[1592.6s] And I look to our big gray buddy and I'm like,
[1594.9s] You cool?
[1597.3s] I...
[1600.2s] I guess I'll go help your friend.
[1602.7s] Okay, yes, that sounds good.
[1604.3s] Okay, and I throw, I take out my serpentine jade owl
[1610.1s] and I say, Gwok, I need you.
[1611.9s] And I throw it in the air and a giant eagle appears.
[1615.6s] Nope.
[1616.8s] Why?
[1617.7s] Because you don't have an eagle.
[1619.5s] A giant eagle appears.
[1621.9s] Hey, we're both having days.
[1623.1s] I haven't so much having a day.
[1626.3s] Let's try that again.
[1627.2s] But this time I know what my animal is
[1629.4s] that I've had for the past three or four years.
[1630.9s] We only talked about it 30 minutes ago.
[1632.7s] We sure did.
[1634.8s] I take out my jade serpentine owl.
[1637.2s] Didn't I even say that?
[1638.1s] You did.
[1638.6s] Oh, damn it.
[1641.3s] There's the switcheroo.
[1642.5s] That's the twist.
[1643.5s] Yes, it's the surprise.
[1646.2s] And I say, Gwok, I need you.
[1648.0s] And I throw it into the air and a giant owl appears.
[1654.6s] No, no.
[1657.1s] Not a giant pigeon.
[1659.5s] Disappointing.
[1660.3s] I get on her back.
[1661.8s] Right.
[1663.1s] Fly to dawn.
[1664.9s] Owl flies off.
[1667.5s] You climb down the ladder.
[1669.7s] Yes.
[1670.2s] Karla character?
[1671.2s] Karla character.
[1672.3s] What would you like me to call you?
[1675.6s] Your majesty.
[1678.0s] I'm sorry, Ross, tonight's a mess already.
[1686.7s] That's good.
[1687.1s] I love it.
[1687.9s] Probably not that.
[1693.1s] You can go with like a characteristic
[1695.0s] or like you can just call you beefy boy.
[1697.4s] Sure.
[1697.9s] Beefy boy.
[1698.6s] Perfect.
[1703.0s] Yes, I went down the ladder to follow Flint.
[1705.8s] All right.
[1706.1s] Did you do a cool dude style like Flint?
[1708.7s] No, I didn't think it was that cool.
[1711.1s] Once you get down to the bottom,
[1713.5s] you make your move to go catch up towards Flint.
[1716.7s] Both of you make an attack roll as zombies are coming near you.
[1725.4s] 12.
[1727.5s] 17.
[1731.3s] Both of you strike into a couple zombies as they come towards you,
[1736.7s] knocking them clear and you make your way back towards the tavern.
[1749.3s] We're here in the middle and we're back now.
[1753.4s] We're here and we're back.
[1754.4s] We're both of them.
[1755.1s] We're here and we're back.
[1756.5s] And we're back.
[1757.0s] It's like we never left.
[1758.2s] Hey, we're here.
[1759.0s] Except Tom left because he's not here.
[1760.7s] Yeah, Tom.
[1761.7s] But he'll be back.
[1763.5s] You just heard his voice because he was in the episode,
[1765.5s] but now he's in Mexico and then in five minutes he'll be back.
[1769.5s] You don't have to miss him for too long.
[1770.6s] You don't have to miss him.
[1772.0s] We've been missing him.
[1772.9s] We have been.
[1773.5s] But you don't have to.
[1774.2s] No, he's there.
[1775.5s] Where we would like to go with this is we just gave away
[1779.6s] two copies of Baldur's Gate, The Descent into Avernus.
[1785.3s] And we want to thank you for participating in our contest.
[1789.1s] So many people did.
[1790.1s] It was awesome.
[1791.4s] It's so nice.
[1792.2s] So many people left reviews and subscribed
[1794.7s] and just filled our cold little hearts.
[1797.9s] Our cold dead hearts.
[1799.7s] I love when we do contests like this that just encourage you guys to just say nice stuff.
[1805.3s] I know.
[1805.8s] It's so self-serving.
[1807.1s] It's so kind of gross, but I love it.
[1810.1s] But I love it because I really feel like a lot of these are like good and honest.
[1816.3s] It's one of those things that every podcaster asks for.
[1819.7s] And when you're just doing the podcast day in and day out,
[1822.7s] you're recording, you don't hear from anybody necessarily every day,
[1826.8s] editing late nights, you forget that there are people at the end of the earphones.
[1831.8s] Yeah, are people even listening to this right now?
[1834.2s] But when you receive just a whole bunch of really great reviews,
[1842.7s] it just, again, very self-serving.
[1844.9s] But it just reminds us how good we got it that we have such great listeners like you.
[1852.7s] And if you have reviewed us, we encourage you to review other podcasts that you enjoy
[1856.6s] because they love to hear it too.
[1858.7s] I can pretty much guarantee it unless they're one of those
[1861.0s] podcasts that just don't like good news.
[1863.1s] Which I don't believe.
[1864.0s] Because as a podcast, as people who don't have bosses, you're like our bosses.
[1870.2s] And this is like a performance review.
[1872.6s] And we like a performance review.
[1875.5s] We want to know how we're doing.
[1876.6s] Who doesn't like to be told they're doing a good job?
[1878.6s] Keep it up.
[1879.1s] A little slap on the back, a little pat on the shoulder,
[1882.1s] a little rub of the thigh.
[1884.9s] Not quite that.
[1885.6s] But we just want to say congratulations to Captain Mike.
[1889.1s] He's not only one of our patrons, but he's an avid subscriber and great reviewer.
[1894.1s] He's a super stand up guy.
[1895.2s] And also Joe, who left us a wonderful review and showed us that he was subscribed as well.
[1901.3s] Both of them have received or have been sent.
[1904.0s] I fired him off in the mail the other day there.
[1906.7s] Merry Christmas to you guys or happy Hanukkah or crazy quanta.
[1910.3s] Hopefully it gets to you quickly with that holiday mail.
[1913.4s] But they have received their copies or will be receiving their copies of Baldur's Gate.
[1917.5s] Sent into Avernus.
[1918.5s] And now we're going to read some of those reviews that were left for us.
[1921.9s] Again, just to say thank you that you have said these things.
[1926.1s] Great irreverent fun.
[1927.7s] Listening to the cast riff on each other and the story unfolding in unusual ways
[1931.2s] is one of my podcast listening highlights.
[1933.4s] Great stuff.
[1934.2s] The cast is friendly, the story and characters are engaging,
[1936.6s] and there are some truly heart wrenching moments.
[1938.7s] Definitely worth a listen.
[1940.7s] And that was Skeptical Okie on Apple Podcasts.
[1945.0s] Thank you, Skeptical Okie.
[1946.0s] I love someone with the name of Skeptical who then goes ahead and says nice things.
[1949.8s] Because you know what?
[1950.8s] I don't like maybe that doesn't happen very often.
[1953.7s] Super skeptical.
[1955.4s] Can I read one?
[1956.3s] Yes, please do.
[1957.1s] Nice.
[1957.6s] Okay, this one's titled, I can't even with these people.
[1960.6s] These people have actually compelled me to start playing D&D.
[1964.0s] I guess I rolled low on my insight saving throw.
[1967.3s] Their witty banter and hilarious comments on life kept me listening,
[1971.5s] even during some of the slow episodes.
[1973.9s] If you pass up this opportunity to listen to them, you're just a doink.
[1978.8s] Edit.
[1979.8s] Their contests are amazing and aren't impossible to win.
[1984.3s] It's true.
[1985.5s] That is from Malkith via Apple Podcasts.
[1988.2s] Thank you, Malkith.
[1989.2s] I will keep it going here.
[1990.4s] This one amazing podcast, some would say life changing.
[1993.5s] That means they listen because I asked them to tell us how life changing we were.
[1998.0s] It goes on to say all in the title.
[2000.0s] Love the way Amy, Carla, and Tom get into the game and emerge you into the world.
[2004.0s] Russ is an amazing storyteller.
[2006.2s] This podcast makes me laugh out loud at work.
[2008.8s] Go become a patron so you don't miss out on the amazing extra content they create.
[2013.6s] That's from Nightshade77x via Apple Podcasts.
[2017.5s] Thank you.
[2019.3s] Yes, thank you.
[2019.9s] Speaking of that real quick, while Tom was away,
[2023.5s] Amy and Carla did play a game completely randomized and totally ridiculous.
[2029.4s] And that'll be Patreon bonus content soon.
[2031.5s] And it was a real hoot and Russ loved it.
[2034.2s] He loves it when it's just cream.
[2035.5s] It's so good.
[2036.6s] It's so good.
[2037.4s] And when we say random, we don't mean like just the random shit that we do.
[2040.6s] We mean like we didn't make decisions.
[2042.7s] We just rolled dice forever.
[2043.9s] Just rolled, baby.
[2045.1s] We let Lady Luck just like cast her wonderful charms upon us or not.
[2052.3s] I had no prep, very little prep.
[2055.1s] I basically just recycled prep from another game that I ran not too long ago and said,
[2059.3s] eh, make a character.
[2061.1s] And it turned out nothing like that.
[2062.7s] And boy did they.
[2064.3s] Yeah.
[2064.7s] Russ knows that he can just give Carla and I just even the basic, most basic idea maybe.
[2072.4s] And then we will be like, we've got this.
[2075.0s] I feel like you said cheekbones and then that was the whole game.
[2078.0s] I think that was it.
[2078.8s] I said I have amazing cheekbones.
[2081.3s] And then it began.
[2082.8s] That was it.
[2083.5s] So you have that to look forward to in January.
[2085.8s] It's going to be called cheekbones.
[2087.2s] No, it's not.
[2088.6s] It'll be called something because I already titled it.
[2092.0s] I don't remember.
[2093.0s] So now it's called cheekbones the saga.
[2095.3s] No prep ep.
[2097.7s] It rhymes.
[2099.0s] It's going to be called Mike placement, Amy.
[2102.1s] No prep ep.
[2104.0s] Suck on that poppin peas.
[2107.5s] Thank you all for leaving reviews.
[2109.0s] We'll be reading some more in the very near future.
[2111.3s] From people who have sent them to us.
[2113.1s] Thank you.
[2113.4s] Thank you.
[2113.7s] Thank you.
[2114.1s] If you haven't left a review and haven't subscribed, there's no contest right now,
[2117.9s] but we would really appreciate you doing so.
[2119.9s] And if you do, let us know because we'll say thank you and give you internet hugs
[2124.6s] because that's what we like to do too.
[2127.1s] OK, back to the episode.
[2128.7s] OK, bye.
[2137.4s] Welcome to Facing Fate.
[2139.9s] An anthological audio fiction actual play podcast.
[2144.5s] What does that mean outside of being amazing alliteration?
[2148.2s] Well, it means when you subscribe to Facing Fate,
[2151.5s] you will find two 10 episode seasons every year starting January 2020
[2156.7s] in the Facing Fate feed.
[2158.7s] Each season will take you through a different setting,
[2161.1s] different genre and different characters going through thrilling,
[2164.5s] exhilarating and maybe hilarious collaborative stories.
[2168.1s] I'm your game master, Russ More.
[2170.3s] And along with my friends, Amy More, Carla Maxted and Tom Laird,
[2174.5s] we will bring you along on a shared journey together.
[2177.7s] Season one of Facing Fate titled Lunacorp begins January 2020.
[2183.2s] Lunacorp is a sci-fi thriller placing you among the crew of a near future moon base
[2188.9s] mining for an alternate energy source.
[2191.8s] But the decisions and hasty thinking of mankind in this time
[2195.5s] place the crew and the world in danger.
[2199.4s] Subscribe to Facing Fate in your favorite podcast app to hear sneak peeks,
[2203.8s] world archives and more leading up to January 2020.
[2207.5s] Or visit FacingFate.com to find our social feeds and more about us.
[2212.2s] Patrons of Dumb Dragons Productions have early access to weekly releases of season one now.
[2218.3s] Join the crew of Lunacorp main base at Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon cast.
[2238.9s] Facing Fate, a Dumb Dragons production.
[2242.6s] Russ, did the zombies have any weapons or were they just like,
[2249.9s] They're just just zombies.
[2252.5s] Just like that.
[2253.2s] Yeah.
[2253.9s] Uh, right.
[2255.1s] Yeah.
[2256.0s] No, no weapons.
[2257.2s] I don't have any weapons yet, but I'm keeping my eyes peeled.
[2260.5s] So you just kind of come by and clock them in the face.
[2265.3s] You're just a punching machine.
[2266.7s] I'm a puncher.
[2267.5s] Force.
[2268.3s] Um, okay.
[2268.7s] You're flying towards Donnie.
[2269.8s] What are you doing?
[2270.3s] I'm on guac's back and as I, as we're approaching, because obviously we are very obvious, like I'm
[2279.3s] flying the same level.
[2280.5s] I start waving my hands in the air.
[2282.7s] Like I do very much care and I, and I'm like, Donnie, are you okay?
[2288.9s] You see, he's got very slow wings that kind of just punch him up and then he drops down.
[2294.3s] It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[2297.6s] I may have had more than one cow.
[2302.1s] And I'm kind of full.
[2302.9s] You're slow because you're, you're gluttonous.
[2306.1s] Because I ate a lot of food.
[2308.7s] They said I eat that guy.
[2310.4s] He said I could just go to town.
[2313.1s] Well, yeah, he wanted to recruit you for Orcus's undead army.
[2317.7s] Is Orcus the god of cows?
[2319.5s] No.
[2320.5s] Is Orcus the god of food?
[2322.3s] No.
[2322.7s] Is Orcus the god of all the things that are good?
[2325.9s] The undead part of this?
[2327.6s] I've got the meat sweats, babe.
[2329.1s] Dude, look down.
[2333.6s] It does feel right, doesn't it though?
[2336.7s] Look down.
[2338.0s] Look at what's happening in the streets.
[2339.7s] There's not, oh, look at that.
[2341.7s] Okay.
[2343.6s] What happened there?
[2344.3s] What'd you do?
[2346.1s] There were a nice group of people and now they're all.
[2349.2s] It was all, it was, it was all an illusion.
[2353.4s] Half of the population is just, you know, dead.
[2358.7s] Um, we don't really have a plan right now other than to get back to the horses.
[2363.3s] Okay.
[2363.9s] Uh, we've picked up, um, a big beefy dude as well.
[2367.5s] Like, like a cow?
[2369.8s] No, not like a cow.
[2370.7s] Can I eat it?
[2371.4s] Like you need to eat anything right now.
[2373.1s] Oh, I'm still kind of low.
[2374.4s] You can barely fly.
[2375.3s] Watch this.
[2376.0s] And he kind of shimmies back and forth.
[2378.0s] Made some room.
[2379.0s] Oh my god.
[2380.2s] You may have to carry him.
[2383.4s] Who?
[2384.4s] Our new dude.
[2386.4s] New dude?
[2387.3s] Is he naked too?
[2390.1s] No, I promise myself only one other naked adventurer.
[2395.0s] Flint fits the bill and that's it.
[2397.0s] Come on, let's fly back.
[2398.3s] So we fly back together as we have this conversation.
[2403.3s] Donnie's very slow.
[2404.6s] Oh god.
[2406.4s] Flint and beefy boy, you make it back to the tavern.
[2409.9s] Um, and you see zombies, uh, you see your horses.
[2413.9s] Clipclop and Tiny are getting dangerously close to a horde of zombies.
[2418.7s] They are trying to back away.
[2419.9s] The zombies are getting closer.
[2422.3s] Okay.
[2423.6s] Uh, have I noticed that my companion has no weapon?
[2429.1s] Make a notice check.
[2431.8s] Roll for noticing.
[2433.7s] You definitely know they're following you and know that they have,
[2436.9s] I don't know if you know that they don't have a weapon,
[2438.7s] but you know that they have punched zombies in face.
[2443.1s] And you, they were just broken out of a prison where you knew
[2446.4s] Lipsinki had all of her shit taken.
[2448.7s] Right?
[2449.9s] Okey dokey.
[2451.9s] Question about an item that is attuned to me.
[2456.6s] Am I able to loan it to someone else and it will still serve in like
[2460.6s] its primitive function without any of the bells and whistles?
[2463.5s] Yes.
[2464.3s] Okay.
[2465.0s] Perfect.
[2465.5s] No bells and whistles, but it, yeah, it'll be a weapon.
[2468.6s] Okay.
[2469.0s] I mean you also had a wagon.
[2470.3s] You guys could have had extra weapons in there.
[2472.1s] Don't want to give me one of your weapons.
[2474.0s] Well, I don't think we're at the wagon yet though.
[2478.9s] So noticing that my companion has no weapon
[2481.9s] because they've just been face punching their way through everything,
[2485.1s] which I admire by the way.
[2488.9s] I take my moist tongue long sword,
[2491.8s] flip it around and hand it over handle first
[2494.6s] and say you might need this.
[2496.7s] Thank you.
[2498.1s] I'll make good use of it.
[2500.3s] Perfect.
[2501.1s] And I turn my Rod of Lordly Might back into the double bladed
[2506.9s] two handed axe that it deserves to be.
[2509.9s] Okay.
[2510.3s] Before you, you see six zombies and four skeletons.
[2516.6s] Most of which are getting near to the horses.
[2520.0s] I think we're going to enter initiative at this point.
[2524.9s] You can roll for initiative as well depending on where you roll.
[2532.6s] 16.
[2535.0s] That was more than 10, you guys.
[2537.9s] It really is.
[2539.1s] Six more.
[2541.5s] 12.
[2544.3s] Seven.
[2546.2s] And would you say six zombies and how many skeletos?
[2549.9s] Six and I think I said four.
[2552.4s] Can Johnny and Guac roll as well?
[2554.8s] Should they just follow after me?
[2557.9s] That's, yeah, roll.
[2560.1s] Well, Guac will follow after you roll for Donnie.
[2564.3s] Well, Donnie only rolled a three.
[2566.3s] Jesus.
[2568.6s] Okay, so the zombies and skeletons are up before both of you.
[2572.8s] They're just going to continue walking toward or shambling towards the horses.
[2580.8s] The zombies are going to make it to the horses.
[2584.6s] That's fine.
[2588.4s] Horses have a lot of stats, right?
[2591.1s] They're strong.
[2591.9s] They're large muscular animals.
[2594.0s] That's true.
[2594.5s] One of them is giant.
[2596.5s] Well, the giant one, tiny, is going to take 12 bludgeoning damage from one of these zombies.
[2604.1s] Clip Clop is going to take six.
[2606.4s] Hold on.
[2606.8s] Are these, if these zombies scratch you or bite you, do you become a zombie too?
[2611.2s] I don't talk about that when everybody dies.
[2613.6s] Excuse me?
[2614.7s] You don't know.
[2616.5s] He said when everybody dies.
[2617.9s] What?
[2618.6s] Yeah, that is what he said.
[2619.7s] What?
[2620.3s] Did I say that out loud?
[2621.8s] I mean, hopefully he meant those bad guys.
[2624.8s] Yeah, all those bad guys.
[2627.1s] That is what he meant.
[2628.0s] He was talking to them, not us.
[2629.5s] Are there even bad guys who aren't zombies at this point?
[2632.8s] The skeletons are going to turn and they have bows in their hand
[2637.1s] and they are going to fire towards Flint and Beefy Boy.
[2641.7s] Flint, that's going to be a 22.
[2648.7s] And Beefy Boy, that's going to be a 23.
[2653.9s] I'll do it.
[2658.3s] And Flint, you're going to take five.
[2660.7s] Beefy Boy, you're going to take 10 piercing damage as arrows come fly towards you.
[2667.5s] And I'm going to only take two of that five damage, Russell.
[2671.8s] Okay.
[2672.8s] And then Thea, you're flying in and you are just coming over the building
[2677.5s] and you're seeing that these zombies are attacking your horses.
[2681.1s] Arrows are flying towards Flint and your new friend Beefy Boy.
[2687.4s] I mean, I feel like we just are going to call this character this now forever.
[2692.1s] Or at least until we accidentally let him die in some horrific way.
[2697.1s] How far out am I?
[2699.2s] You're coming over the nearest building.
[2701.7s] So you are on top of guac.
[2703.3s] So movement-wise, you could definitely make it to anywhere you need to be.
[2709.4s] I'm going to Eldritch Blast these sons of bitches.
[2716.0s] I'm going to do three beams and I'm going to...
[2719.9s] How many are on the horses?
[2722.8s] Six zombies between the two of them.
[2725.3s] My god.
[2726.5s] Okay, I'm going to do...
[2728.3s] I'm going to hit two of the zombies.
[2729.9s] One that's on Clip Clop and one that's on Tiny.
[2733.3s] And then I'm going to go for one of the skeletons.
[2737.1s] Okay.
[2739.4s] Okay, that's a 17 plus...
[2742.7s] 26.
[2745.1s] 25.
[2747.2s] And a 24.
[2748.3s] Okay.
[2749.2s] All four of those...
[2749.9s] You guys.
[2752.1s] Wow.
[2752.9s] Right?
[2755.3s] Someone's impressing Beefy Boy early on.
[2760.1s] Trying to make an impression.
[2762.2s] Okay, it is going to be one D10 force damage.
[2768.2s] So I will roll for that.
[2770.3s] Leslie.
[2772.3s] Well, that's only a one.
[2775.9s] The next one gets a three.
[2778.7s] And then one of them gets a five.
[2781.5s] Okay, got it.
[2784.5s] Flint.
[2785.1s] Nope.
[2785.8s] Nope.
[2786.7s] Gwak.
[2787.5s] Nope, yep.
[2791.2s] Okay, my giant owl is going to swoop down.
[2799.5s] And it's going to do slashing damage with its talons.
[2807.1s] Mm-hmm.
[2808.1s] Yep.
[2810.6s] Does the owl have large talons?
[2813.7s] It has large talons.
[2816.1s] It's a melee weapon attack with a plus three to hit.
[2821.2s] 13.
[2823.0s] She's going to go for one of the...
[2825.5s] She's acting of her own accord.
[2827.7s] She's going to go for one of the zombies that's on Tiny.
[2830.9s] Okay.
[2831.1s] Because they bonded.
[2831.9s] Giant owl, giant horse, yeah.
[2833.9s] Just makes sense.
[2835.9s] To hit, it's two D6 plus one.
[2840.0s] Two plus one is three.
[2842.7s] That's four.
[2844.4s] Slashing damage.
[2845.6s] So you rolled a hit?
[2847.6s] Yeah.
[2849.5s] Oh, no.
[2852.0s] I didn't roll the hit.
[2853.9s] I forgot about that.
[2856.8s] Sorry.
[2858.9s] 17.
[2859.8s] That will hit.
[2861.4s] Well, I'm going to roll my thing again, then.
[2864.4s] That's a one, just like it was before.
[2867.1s] That's a four, so that's five plus one is six.
[2870.5s] So that's slightly better.
[2872.4s] Were you going for the same one that you hit or a different one?
[2875.5s] One that's on Tiny.
[2876.8s] So I don't know.
[2877.5s] Probably one of the ones I hit, I guess.
[2880.1s] Flint, you're up.
[2881.5s] You got arrows flying towards you.
[2883.5s] You see Thea and Guacamole come swooping in towards the...
[2887.1s] To save the day.
[2887.8s] Horses.
[2890.9s] That's what you see.
[2892.5s] How far away from the horses am I?
[2896.0s] 60 feet.
[2897.9s] 60 feet?
[2899.9s] God damn it.
[2901.2s] Come on, Russ.
[2902.0s] So far.
[2904.1s] I'm going to move as close...
[2906.4s] Well, I did.
[2907.0s] I did.
[2907.2s] That's my bad.
[2908.0s] I'm going to move as close as I can towards the horses, which is about halfway.
[2913.5s] And in the meantime, I'm going to grab my Dwarven Thrower
[2917.6s] and I'm going to throw it three goddamn times.
[2921.4s] Oh, yeah.
[2923.4s] This is like just a clump of zombies and skeletons.
[2926.2s] He's got to take out multiples.
[2929.9s] I'm going to go for the one that's on Clip Clop first.
[2933.8s] Okay.
[2934.3s] Provided I have a visual line of sight.
[2936.2s] There are three, and yes, you would be able to hit any number of them.
[2939.5s] Perfect.
[2941.0s] All right.
[2941.5s] First one is 19.
[2945.0s] That will hit.
[2946.5s] Perfect.
[2947.3s] I'll give you AC here.
[2949.0s] AC is going to be eight.
[2951.6s] Oh, I can't roll bad enough unless it's a crit fail, then.
[2954.7s] Okay.
[2955.0s] Well, just make sure you don't roll a crit fail and you're good.
[2957.0s] I'll just roll all three attacks in,
[2958.5s] or would you like me to spread them out between people?
[2960.7s] Okay.
[2962.4s] Nope, that's not a crit fail.
[2964.3s] And that one's not a crit fail.
[2965.7s] And the best part is, too, I can re-roll crit fails when they happen.
[2969.5s] So really, I can't miss.
[2970.9s] You just can't lose.
[2973.0s] Okay.
[2974.3s] So that is going to be one D8 plus eight to every single thing that I've hit.
[2980.3s] Are you going for this?
[2981.4s] I guess you can kind of take it one at a time.
[2983.5s] Yeah.
[2984.0s] First one is the one on Clip Clop.
[2985.5s] That's an 11 for damage.
[2988.7s] Yeah, so it hits hard.
[2992.8s] Blood splattering out, but it's still standing.
[2995.6s] Okay.
[2996.7s] Second one again for that one.
[2997.8s] That's a 14.
[2999.1s] And it drops.
[3000.2s] Hits it in the head, which explodes all over the side of the horse.
[3004.4s] Perfect.
[3004.9s] The horse is like, oh, good God.
[3008.5s] We'll go to one of the other ones that's on the horses.
[3012.8s] And that is 13 damage.
[3014.7s] Another one on Tiny Drops.
[3026.7s] Perfect.
[3027.3s] Okay.
[3028.7s] Anything else?
[3031.5s] I should also let Karla know the stats on that sword so that when she goes to use it,
[3037.1s] she has accurate rolling abilities.
[3038.8s] Probably a good idea, because this beefy boy's up next.
[3041.6s] Yeah.
[3042.3s] All right.
[3042.6s] It is a plus five to hit.
[3045.2s] And then, of course, whatever bonus you have with your character, add on to that.
[3049.1s] And it's 2d6 damage-wise.
[3051.9s] Okay.
[3052.7s] So yeah, strength plus proficiency for hitting plus five.
[3061.0s] Yes.
[3061.5s] So probably like a plus 14.
[3064.7s] And then just-
[3065.8s] Strength plus proficiency bonus plus five?
[3068.3s] Yeah.
[3069.2s] Oh, okay.
[3070.3s] And then your damage will be strength plus five, I think.
[3077.9s] Maybe plus proficiency too.
[3079.2s] Okay.
[3080.0s] It's going to be a lot.
[3082.8s] Well, except that I think I'm still 60 feet away.
[3085.2s] So I'm just briskly walking there for the rest of my turn.
[3089.7s] Good dash.
[3091.8s] I don't know how many attacks you have.
[3094.0s] I have many attacks.
[3096.0s] So dash would take one action, which would get you there.
[3099.0s] Okay, great.
[3099.6s] Then I'm going to dash.
[3100.8s] Okay.
[3102.0s] And then I'll use my nice borrowed sword my new best friend gave me.
[3107.2s] And that is a 21.
[3110.4s] So I'm going to say you're going to the skeletons,
[3112.3s] which are first in if you're getting into melee.
[3114.8s] Yep.
[3115.5s] Yep.
[3115.7s] And they have, I'll give you their AC.
[3118.1s] Their AC is 13.
[3120.0s] So that will definitely.
[3121.6s] Okay.
[3123.6s] So then you said 2d6, yeah?
[3129.2s] Oh my God.
[3130.9s] I rolled two ones.
[3132.0s] So great.
[3133.2s] But still two damage to one of them.
[3137.6s] And then I'll attack again.
[3138.9s] Plus five plus.
[3140.0s] Yeah, you'll get plus five on top of that too.
[3142.0s] Oh, okay.
[3142.7s] Seven damage.
[3145.0s] Plus strength.
[3148.2s] Is there any more pluses?
[3150.4s] I mean, I said them all a couple of times, but plus strength plus five.
[3154.4s] Sorry, I.
[3155.2s] That's okay.
[3155.7s] Right.
[3157.7s] So plus nine.
[3159.4s] So 11 damage.
[3160.6s] All right.
[3162.5s] One of them goes down.
[3167.6s] Okay.
[3168.0s] So then I'll use my other attack.
[3169.7s] It's a nat 20.
[3171.8s] Oh yeah it is.
[3172.7s] So 46.
[3175.3s] 46?
[3176.2s] 46.
[3178.5s] Plus five plus strength.
[3180.4s] Plus strength.
[3182.4s] So 10, 14, 19, 23.
[3189.3s] This one is just obliterated.
[3191.0s] Skeletons go flying everywhere.
[3193.5s] Or skeleton goes flying everywhere.
[3195.5s] Two skeletons are now down.
[3197.4s] Donnie.
[3199.1s] Oh God.
[3202.5s] I don't know if I can.
[3204.5s] What's happening over here guys?
[3206.1s] You're supposed to wait a half hour.
[3208.9s] Okay.
[3210.1s] When when you guys clear out those horsies, I'm gonna I'm gonna blast them with fire.
[3217.2s] Okay?
[3219.8s] Okay.
[3220.8s] Okay, I'm just gonna I can see some more coming so hurry up.
[3227.1s] Are there any?
[3230.9s] Any left in the way?
[3233.8s] In the way of what?
[3235.8s] No, I'm asking you if there are any left in the way.
[3240.2s] Of the horses?
[3240.7s] Zombies or skeletons?
[3243.0s] There's two zombies.
[3245.2s] Four zombies still left.
[3247.0s] No, three zombies still left.
[3249.9s] And two skeletons.
[3252.6s] The zombies are right next to the horses, which is what he's saying.
[3255.9s] Oh, okay.
[3257.1s] Well, I mean the horses can take a turn here and try and move but.
[3260.4s] They're in the middle of combat.
[3261.8s] They're gonna get it.
[3262.5s] Yeah.
[3263.0s] No, don't move.
[3263.8s] It's okay you guys are coming for you.
[3265.3s] Okay, he's he's waiting to tell those moves.
[3267.8s] So the zombies are going to take a turn.
[3270.2s] I guess the horses could try and kick here.
[3272.6s] I tried to look up.
[3273.7s] Oh, oh, it's warhorse.
[3275.8s] I was looking for giant.
[3277.7s] Yeah, horses are going to try and hooves damage.
[3280.3s] Yeah, hoove it.
[3282.0s] One will hit, the other will not.
[3284.5s] So we'll say Tiny will hit, Clip Clop will not.
[3287.9s] Tiny's gonna get 2d6 plus four bludgeoning damage.
[3292.0s] Oh, it sucks getting kicked by a horse.
[3294.2s] Nine bludgeoning damage, which crushes the skull of one of the zombies on it.
[3300.2s] Clip Clop is not so lucky.
[3302.8s] Now it's the zombies' turns.
[3307.7s] One will hit Tiny, the others will not hit Clip Clop.
[3315.4s] So that's gonna be seven more damage on Tiny.
[3320.6s] What are Tiny's stats?
[3322.1s] So Tiny has 30 hit points.
[3325.0s] He's taken 19 damage.
[3326.6s] Oh, my baby.
[3327.4s] Clip Clop has 19, he's taken six.
[3330.7s] Skeletons draw their swords and move towards Beefy Boy.
[3337.0s] That's going to probably not be very good.
[3339.7s] 17 is the highest.
[3341.6s] Nope.
[3343.5s] Then they miss.
[3345.8s] Destruct with their friends being shattered all over the street.
[3350.8s] They begin crying, or what you can presume is crying.
[3355.2s] And it's Thea's turn.
[3356.2s] Who knew they felt feelings?
[3358.2s] Uh, okay.
[3360.4s] Skeletons act as they would in real life.
[3362.5s] Oh, fair enough.
[3364.6s] Okay, um, I'm going to call Lightning.
[3373.0s] Wait, one's on a horse and there are two skeletons?
[3378.1s] On Beefy Boy.
[3379.3s] Two skeletons on Beefy Boy.
[3380.7s] One is on a horse.
[3382.4s] Okay, never mind.
[3383.8s] There's three of them.
[3384.5s] I'm just going to fucking Eldritch Blast again.
[3388.5s] Okay, here we go.
[3390.0s] Here we go.
[3392.3s] That is 23.
[3397.4s] And 25.
[3400.5s] And 12.
[3404.2s] Uh, all.
[3404.7s] Such a drop off.
[3405.6s] I know.
[3406.3s] Which ones are you going for?
[3407.3s] One on each?
[3408.1s] Yes.
[3410.2s] The...
[3411.1s] So it was skeleton, skeleton, zombie.
[3415.7s] Okay, yeah, y'all hit everybody.
[3417.6s] Neat.
[3419.0s] Okay, 1d10 forth.
[3421.0s] Come on.
[3421.6s] More than I got last time.
[3426.1s] That's a 10 for a skeleton.
[3431.0s] That's a 9 for the other skeleton.
[3433.5s] For a Skela 9.
[3434.6s] And that's another 10 for the zombie.
[3438.1s] For the zombie.
[3440.5s] 10b.
[3442.6s] You drop all three of those things.
[3447.2s] Boom!
[3448.6s] Eldritch Blast fly out, shattering bones and zombie icker.
[3455.0s] I think I lost count, but I think there's one zombie left.
[3457.7s] So it's Gwak's turn.
[3460.2s] Gwak is going to go for that zombie.
[3462.6s] Gwak is going to, like...
[3464.7s] Pick it up, fly up in the air and then drop it 80 feet?
[3468.1s] Oh, that's always a dramatic move.
[3470.1s] Yeah.
[3472.0s] Yeah, Gwak does that.
[3473.4s] Make a strength check.
[3478.2s] Plus one?
[3482.1s] 14.
[3484.0s] So Gwak kind of shrugs you off and drops you to the ground.
[3489.0s] Oh, no, I had already hopped off of Gwak, I assume.
[3491.6s] Because in order to do a Talon attack, I assume I'd be dead weight.
[3495.0s] Okay, fair enough.
[3495.8s] Anyways, so yeah, Gwak does go pick up this zombie.
[3498.9s] Yeah, she dumps me.
[3499.8s] There we go.
[3501.0s] Looks better.
[3502.5s] Gwak dumps you off.
[3504.4s] You fall to the ground on your ass.
[3506.5s] I was trying to make it all majestic as fuck and then he interrupted my story.
[3510.1s] In a puddle.
[3510.7s] You fell on your ass in a puddle.
[3512.5s] I deserve it.
[3513.1s] You got muddy shorts now.
[3515.9s] And picks up this zombie and takes it high into the air
[3519.4s] and see her take it forward a little bit and drop it.
[3523.2s] And it's going to take...
[3526.4s] It's going to splat into the ground.
[3530.6s] Like a pancake.
[3533.0s] Now there's zombie puddle.
[3535.0s] As you are now out of combat and you see coming down the walk behind you,
[3540.0s] the horde of zombies moving down the street towards you.
[3545.2s] I run and I wrap my arms around Tiny and I cure wounds to her.
[3556.1s] So she gets 1d8 plus 4.
[3561.7s] 10.
[3562.9s] Great.
[3563.3s] All right, you're out of combat.
[3564.2s] What do you do?
[3565.3s] Let's get the fuck out of here, you guys.
[3568.6s] Yeah, it sounds like a plan.
[3569.6s] Where do we go?
[3571.5s] I'd suggest just away from here.
[3573.4s] Just away?
[3574.2s] Perfect.
[3575.0s] Let's go back to Waterdeep.
[3577.8s] Let's head back in that direction.
[3579.0s] I think they need to know about this special...
[3581.1s] What?
[3582.1s] It's always Waterdeep.
[3583.0s] It's always Waterdeep.
[3584.2s] That's how I knew.
[3586.2s] I think they need to know about this.
[3588.6s] This is a lot more than just the three of us can do.
[3592.2s] Yeah, there's like a whole death cult thing going on here.
[3596.2s] The same tremors you felt down in the basement.
[3598.8s] Now you can feel them where you stand.
[3603.3s] Yeah, we're hopping on those horses.
[3605.0s] I will take the owl.
[3608.0s] Everybody hops in on the wagon and or is flying slowly behind you
[3615.0s] and you peel out down the main road and get back on the main road out of Blackpool
[3621.4s] which wraps around a black lake and you feel the tremors growing as you are leaving the town
[3629.6s] and an explosion goes and you turn and look back and the city erupts
[3636.5s] and then gets sucked back into the ground and is nothing but debris and rubble.
[3642.4s] Oh, I yield now.
[3643.3s] That kind of takes care of that.
[3646.1s] I mean, we still got to tell people though.
[3647.8s] This is this is a thing that's happening.
[3650.2s] Yeah, no, no, totally.
[3651.4s] But I mean, yeah.
[3660.2s] The song Nowhere Land is by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
[3675.9s] All other music, sound effects and ambience can be found at epidemicsound.com.
[3681.4s] A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
[3683.8s] Ryan Cushman, Gabriel Lynch, Joshua Dixon, Devin Michaels,
[3687.4s] Kat Waterflame and Jacob Madden.
[3689.5s] To become a patron, visit Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast where you get exclusive content
[3694.8s] including an entire exclusive campaign, Dumgeon's downtime episodes,
[3699.4s] early access to our new show Facing Fate which kicks off January 2020,
[3704.0s] as well as a whole slew of other amazing bonus exclusive content.
[3708.5s] Visit Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast to check it out today.
[3713.4s] I just thought you were like basically sleeper holding me.
[3718.1s] Considering I'm like a foot taller than you two, awkward as fuck piggyback ride.
[3723.4s] Both of you are starting down this hallway.
[3726.9s] Burritos.
[3731.8s] Tonight's enemy burritos.
[3733.8s] How are you going to get through these monologues when you eat burritos?
[3737.3s] Okay, you get out of here.
[3742.3s] Thanks.
[3744.1s] You run.
[3744.7s] Russ, we get out of there.
[3747.8s] How long does it take us to get out of here?
[3751.5s] It's going to take forever because guess what?
[3754.4s] You're all dead.
[3755.6s] We wake up in the maze.
[3758.6s] Boom.
[3759.3s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a dumb dragons production.